Some Weird Thinking

It is currently Wednesday, April 15 and this is about to be a pretty weird post. My whole life I’ve watched those movies of two teenagers falling in love, having those weird moments together, sometimes mysterious and learning how much they have in common. And just recently, I questioned, what does it feel like to feel loved? To have someone by your side, to have someone to kiss you and tell you that you’re beautiful and pretty? I feel as you grow up you find different parts of yourself like who you really are. This 2020 quarantine has really changed me. I changed my style and learning how to be more confident. I changed the way I work like my work habits. I’ve made goals for myself and how I’m going to achieve them. I’ve changed the way I act around friends based on the way I want them to respect me and the way that I respect them. I feel as if I’m a whole new person. I feel this way partly on how the way that I can drive on my own now. I feel like a part of me has been unlocked and that’s the part that’s been locked for 16 years which is freedom. I feel with freedom you have more confidence you can find who you truly are and with confidence just maybe you can find your soulmate. In grammar school, it used to be “oh I have a crush” it’s never been “I’m truly infatuated with them.” I wonder what life would be like if I was infatuated with someone if I had someone by my side. Of course, I have my family and my friends by my side. But what if I had someone by my side who I was truly into them and whenever I was around them butterflies would shutter in my stomach and I would blush. This is all the stuff that goes on in my head when I sleep or I am trying to go to sleep. I have to stop watching these romance movies because I’m falling into a pit here. I need to get out and show everyone who the new me is. As everyone says you’ll find true love when you find it is a process that cannot be rushed. I can’t say I believe in “true love at first sight” because I’ve never experienced it, hopefully, one day I will. Hopefully, I’ll find someone, one day that will love me for who I am like how my parents love each other for who they are. My mother was very lucky to find someone who loves her. They are living a great life together and are very happy. All teens say they want to find a boy, they want a boyfriend, but it’s not just that to me. I want butterflies in my stomach, I want to look at him with true eyes, I want someone where we laugh and look up at the stars, and it will be hard to find someone but I know I can’t rush the process. These are just dreams, things I think in my head all the time and this is just one of the subjects that runs through my mind every day.