150 Days - Not so Bad?

Today marks 150 days of growth hormone therapy shots.

Tonight began just like any other; I arrived home from work to find Samantha finishing her homework. Samantha informed me that although she had completed most of her work, she wanted to show me a PowerPoint presentation she was responsible for presenting later in the week. We talked about her day while I tidied up the kitchen and thereafter she showed me her presentation. Samantha did a wonderful job, and together we discussed what minor changes she wanted to make in order to finalize it.

At about 8:30pm, I told Samantha that it was time for her to take her shot, and in response I received a slight rolling of the eyes and a reluctant "ok" because I was interrupting her end of the day "downtime" of watching a television show. She shuffled downstairs and into the kitchen where she quickly gathered the usual items, 2 alcohol wipes and one needle, while I removed her medication from the refrigerator. Samantha cleaned the top of the medication pen, cleaned it with an alcohol wipe, and screwed on the needle. She said "I want to do my shot tonight" and searched for a place in her abdominal area to administer it. Samantha knows she can't give herself a shot on a location where she has a bruise or recent mark because the shots are to be given in different locations as to not cause skin depressions from placing the needle on the same location on consecutive nights. Despite such, she looked straight at the only bruise she had on her stomach and looked at me as if she was going to administer her shot in exactly that same place. I said "Samantha give me a break."  She knows better - her actions showed me her frustration that yet again she was taking her medication for what seemed to be the thousandth time.

Samantha selected another location, pinched the skin on her abdomen, and began to pull the needle close to her skin. As always, she hesitated for about 3 seconds before puncturing the skin, pushing the pen's dispensary button for the medication to be inserted, waited 5 seconds with the needle in her skin to ensure all the medication had been released into her skin, and removed the needle.

The reason why she hesitates before putting the needle in her skin is that every single day right before she takes her shot she becomes nauseous for a fleeting moment. I don't blame her.

How many children who are 11 years old self-administer injections upon themselves? I see her "battle wounds" and I still tear up. One would think I would be used to seeing bruises less than the size of a dime on my daughter's stomach; however I don't. On the weekends Samantha usually asks me to give her the shots in her arm to give her stomach time to heal from a couple remaining bruises from the week. The bruising truly is slight and they generally disappear within a few days; however each time I see a bruise, no matter whether it is on her arm or stomach, I wince.

Samantha is such a brave child who looks at fear right in the face and tackles it head-on. She has done so with her academics as well. I am not surprised that this experience has reminded her that if she can endure this daily routine and suffer with the side effects, both physical and emotional, she can "power through" studying for her first set of final exams in 2 weeks.

I wish I had the confidence and enthusiasm Samantha has about herself and life when I was 11, or even now at the age of 42. I utterly admire her determination and positive attitude. She is the one who keeps me moving forward with her growth hormone therapy, not the reverse.

I love you Samantha and have no idea how many people you inspire, including me.

With so much love and appreciation for you being "you",

Mom